Cuffing Season, Scorpio Energy, and Why Mariah Carey Will Outlive Us All
Danny Browning
November 2024 - News4U Evansville
November 2024 - News4U Evansville
It’s November! ’Tis the season of sweater weather, turkey comas, and counting the days until we all enthusiastically sing a Mariah Carey song from 1994. That’s right you guys, “All I Want for Christmas Is You” is 30 years old. Thirty. Years. Old. However, because of its simple, heartfelt message of love that resonates with everyone, it’s a song that will forever remain ageless. Conversely, Mariah remains ageless through a strict liquid diet of expensive wine and unicorn tears.
What‘s best about the song is how it captures the real meaning of the holidays, spending time with the people you love and want to love. That’s why it’s also a direct cause of another popular tradition this time of year: cuffing season.
Urban Dictionary defines cuffing season as “the beginning of the fall and winter months when people who prefer being single or promiscuous find themselves wanting to be ‘cuffed’ or tied down by a serious relationship.” And honestly, it makes sense. Everyone wants someone to cozy up with during snuggle season, to spend snow days with, or maybe even escape on a romantic holiday getaway. Plus, it’s a convenient way to fend off overly nosy family members at holiday dinners. Seriously, what is it about asking someone to pass the mashed potatoes that makes them want to start giving me relationship advice as if they're Dr. Ruth or the Hawk Tuah Girl?
For my money, the best part of cuffing season is undoubtedly the Netflix-and-chill vibes. When it comes to holiday romance, there’s nothing better than being with a fine woman, curled up by a warm fire, watching John McClane kick some terrorist ass in Die Hard. One final thing about November, and maybe the most important, is that it’s my birthday month! November 15, which is exactly nine months after February 14. Apparently, my mom got way too excited over a box of chocolates!
It also means I’m a Scorpio. I’m no expert in astrology, but I do know that Scorpios are awesome. The problem is that a quick Google search will show you dating horror stories about us. Sure, we can be a little jealous, slightly vindictive, and maybe have a few trust issues, but we’re also loyal, and we’re great in bed, which definitely makes up for everything else.
So do yourself a favor this cuffing season and find yourself a mysterious Scorpio with whom to create incredible memories.
And if you’re wondering how old I am, let’s just say I’m desperately in need of some Mariah Carey unicorn tears. Once again, it seems I got sidetracked and didn’t talk about the Evansville comedy scene.
Adult ADHD is real! Be sure to check out these live local comedy events and LAUGH.
What‘s best about the song is how it captures the real meaning of the holidays, spending time with the people you love and want to love. That’s why it’s also a direct cause of another popular tradition this time of year: cuffing season.
Urban Dictionary defines cuffing season as “the beginning of the fall and winter months when people who prefer being single or promiscuous find themselves wanting to be ‘cuffed’ or tied down by a serious relationship.” And honestly, it makes sense. Everyone wants someone to cozy up with during snuggle season, to spend snow days with, or maybe even escape on a romantic holiday getaway. Plus, it’s a convenient way to fend off overly nosy family members at holiday dinners. Seriously, what is it about asking someone to pass the mashed potatoes that makes them want to start giving me relationship advice as if they're Dr. Ruth or the Hawk Tuah Girl?
For my money, the best part of cuffing season is undoubtedly the Netflix-and-chill vibes. When it comes to holiday romance, there’s nothing better than being with a fine woman, curled up by a warm fire, watching John McClane kick some terrorist ass in Die Hard. One final thing about November, and maybe the most important, is that it’s my birthday month! November 15, which is exactly nine months after February 14. Apparently, my mom got way too excited over a box of chocolates!
It also means I’m a Scorpio. I’m no expert in astrology, but I do know that Scorpios are awesome. The problem is that a quick Google search will show you dating horror stories about us. Sure, we can be a little jealous, slightly vindictive, and maybe have a few trust issues, but we’re also loyal, and we’re great in bed, which definitely makes up for everything else.
So do yourself a favor this cuffing season and find yourself a mysterious Scorpio with whom to create incredible memories.
And if you’re wondering how old I am, let’s just say I’m desperately in need of some Mariah Carey unicorn tears. Once again, it seems I got sidetracked and didn’t talk about the Evansville comedy scene.
Adult ADHD is real! Be sure to check out these live local comedy events and LAUGH.
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Danny Browning is a nationally touring stand-up comedian, clean corporate entertainer, and monthly humor columnist for News4U Evansville. Based in Southern Indiana, he has performed at comedy clubs, corporate galas, and nonprofit fundraisers across Indianapolis, Louisville, Evansville, Cincinnati, and beyond, including the Improv, the Funny Bone, and stages alongside Norm MacDonald, Jim Norton, and Jennifer Coolidge.
Comedy & Curiosities is his attempt to be funny without a microphone. It's going okay. |
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Danny Browning | Comedian, Humorist & Monthly Troublemaker for News4U