Hell Gigs, Flop Sweat, and the Night Williamsburg Won
Danny Browning May 2024 - NEWS4U Evansville
"Hell Gig" — a performance that is exceptionally bad, difficult, and feels like an eternity for the comedian. It often comes with a mix of stress, anxiety, and sweat rolling from the middle of the back down to the butt crack, leaving the performer drained, demoralized, and questioning life.
I'm no stranger to hell gigs. In 20+ years as a comedian, I've driven to more than my share of godforsaken places to tell jokes to drunk people who didn't ask for them. Highlights include the night in Simpsonville, South Carolina, when I was asked, less than politely, to leave the bar for making fun of the Confederate flag. A few large redneck gentlemen called me an "ignorant Yankee" and followed me to my car. Fun times.
Then there was Peanutz Bar & Grill in Williston, North Dakota, where a guy threw peanut shells at me mid-set for "hitting on his girlfriend." (To be fair, I kind of was.) They eventually left, but not before he shouted, "I should stick that microphone up your ass and maybe you'll fart funny!"
Lately, I've been lucky. Since the pandemic, crowds have been genuinely grateful. Whether it was a socially distanced 50 or a fundraiser with 250, people were happy to sit down, shut up, and laugh.
That all changed one recent Friday night in Williamsburg.
Personally, I love Williamsburg. Busch Gardens, Colonial Williamsburg, tons of cool nature. If I were there with my family, we'd have a blast. However, I made the rookie mistake of letting those wholesome vacation vibes blind me to a cold truth: Williamsburg is not a comedy town. Duh. There's no scene. No local comics. No comedy club. Even with William & Mary nearby, if you're looking for a fun college town with students who know how to have a good time, go literally anywhere else.
Red flags started popping up before I even got there. A closer look at the itinerary showed it was an 18+ show, in a bar, starting at 9 PM, and it was free. Free?! A free comedy show on a Friday night is like a food truck handing out free meatballs at the Italian food fest. Bad idea. Also, late Friday shows are notoriously rough. It's the end of the work week, and people are drunk, tired, and over it. Since I was headlining, I wouldn't be hitting the stage until almost 10 PM. What could go wrong?
Anyways, everything went wrong. Cliff notes version: they were super talkative with a lot of younger adults there just to flirt and try to get laid. They weren't into me, and I wasn't into them. They stopped listening early in my set, and I stopped caring. Then I could feel the flop sweat. After the show, the owner paid me without a thank you, and I left without a goodbye.
To top it off, I stopped at a gas station for some alcohol, but everything in Williamsburg shuts down at 11. So there I was in a quiet hotel room, sober, alone, and depressed, but grateful not to be followed by any random rednecks.
I'm no stranger to hell gigs. In 20+ years as a comedian, I've driven to more than my share of godforsaken places to tell jokes to drunk people who didn't ask for them. Highlights include the night in Simpsonville, South Carolina, when I was asked, less than politely, to leave the bar for making fun of the Confederate flag. A few large redneck gentlemen called me an "ignorant Yankee" and followed me to my car. Fun times.
Then there was Peanutz Bar & Grill in Williston, North Dakota, where a guy threw peanut shells at me mid-set for "hitting on his girlfriend." (To be fair, I kind of was.) They eventually left, but not before he shouted, "I should stick that microphone up your ass and maybe you'll fart funny!"
Lately, I've been lucky. Since the pandemic, crowds have been genuinely grateful. Whether it was a socially distanced 50 or a fundraiser with 250, people were happy to sit down, shut up, and laugh.
That all changed one recent Friday night in Williamsburg.
Personally, I love Williamsburg. Busch Gardens, Colonial Williamsburg, tons of cool nature. If I were there with my family, we'd have a blast. However, I made the rookie mistake of letting those wholesome vacation vibes blind me to a cold truth: Williamsburg is not a comedy town. Duh. There's no scene. No local comics. No comedy club. Even with William & Mary nearby, if you're looking for a fun college town with students who know how to have a good time, go literally anywhere else.
Red flags started popping up before I even got there. A closer look at the itinerary showed it was an 18+ show, in a bar, starting at 9 PM, and it was free. Free?! A free comedy show on a Friday night is like a food truck handing out free meatballs at the Italian food fest. Bad idea. Also, late Friday shows are notoriously rough. It's the end of the work week, and people are drunk, tired, and over it. Since I was headlining, I wouldn't be hitting the stage until almost 10 PM. What could go wrong?
Anyways, everything went wrong. Cliff notes version: they were super talkative with a lot of younger adults there just to flirt and try to get laid. They weren't into me, and I wasn't into them. They stopped listening early in my set, and I stopped caring. Then I could feel the flop sweat. After the show, the owner paid me without a thank you, and I left without a goodbye.
To top it off, I stopped at a gas station for some alcohol, but everything in Williamsburg shuts down at 11. So there I was in a quiet hotel room, sober, alone, and depressed, but grateful not to be followed by any random rednecks.
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Danny Browning is a nationally touring stand-up comedian, clean corporate entertainer, and monthly humor columnist for News4U Evansville. Based in Southern Indiana, he has performed at comedy clubs, corporate galas, and nonprofit fundraisers across Indianapolis, Louisville, Evansville, Cincinnati, and beyond, including the Improv, the Funny Bone, and stages alongside Norm MacDonald, Jim Norton, and Jennifer Coolidge. Comedy & Curiosities is his attempt to be funny without a microphone. It's going okay.
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Danny Browning | Comedian, Humorist & Monthly Troublemaker for News4U Evansville