We Travel Not to Escape Life - But Mostly to Miss Home
Danny Browning June 2025 - NEWS4U Evansville
"We travel not to escape life, but for life to not escape us." — Unknown
Summer is here, which means sand, sun, and running naked through the Angel Mounds! It also means it's time to pack up the car and take a road trip. I've traveled a lot over the years, and for me, traveling seems glamorous until I have to actually do it. I used to imagine traveling as glossy stock photos of people laughing on mountaintops or sipping cappuccinos. But the reality? It's more like a three-day endurance test sponsored by Advil, Red Bull, and bad decisions.
Let's start with packing. I pack properly. The way packing should be done. I pack like I'm prepping for a wilderness survival show. One pair of jeans, a paperback I'll never read, and 47 chargers that will be lost, misplaced, or "borrowed" by my teenage daughter, never to be seen again. Most importantly, I need a Ziplock bag full of "vitamin" gummies just in case I forget what happiness tastes like. Meanwhile, my fiancée packs like we might be forced to open a pop-up boutique in the airport terminal.
The Evansville International Airport is actually pretty charming. It's like someone made a bet: "Hey, can we build a functioning airport and still be home in time for lunch at Turoni's?" You can park, get through security, and still have time to walk slowly back to your car because you forgot your CPAP machine.
For me, flying is a whole new level of absurdity. We're told to "sit back, relax, and enjoy your flight," which is a cruel joke when you're over 6 feet tall and your knees are in your chest the entire trip. It doesn't help that the stranger next to me is elbows-deep in a tuna sandwich. I don't mind tuna sandwiches, but not when my muscles are cramping and I'm worried about a fiery plane explosion.
Then there's the hotel. I don't care how fancy the place is; something will go wrong. The key card won't work. The toilet will make a noise all night that sounds like Casper the Ghost trying to beatbox. I'll call the front desk, and they'll send someone named Chad who refers to everything as "lit," including my leaking ceiling.
Honestly, by the third day of being gone, I'm missing Evansville. I miss driving on the Lloyd while pretending that stoplights are just polite suggestions. I miss the way the humidity gives what's left of my hair that "cotton candy meets existential crisis" look. I miss people who know what a brain sandwich is, and more importantly, don't judge me for eating one.
So yeah, travel is fun... in theory. But the next time someone says, "Let's go somewhere new!" I might just take a different route to Schnucks and call it an adventure.
Summer is here, which means sand, sun, and running naked through the Angel Mounds! It also means it's time to pack up the car and take a road trip. I've traveled a lot over the years, and for me, traveling seems glamorous until I have to actually do it. I used to imagine traveling as glossy stock photos of people laughing on mountaintops or sipping cappuccinos. But the reality? It's more like a three-day endurance test sponsored by Advil, Red Bull, and bad decisions.
Let's start with packing. I pack properly. The way packing should be done. I pack like I'm prepping for a wilderness survival show. One pair of jeans, a paperback I'll never read, and 47 chargers that will be lost, misplaced, or "borrowed" by my teenage daughter, never to be seen again. Most importantly, I need a Ziplock bag full of "vitamin" gummies just in case I forget what happiness tastes like. Meanwhile, my fiancée packs like we might be forced to open a pop-up boutique in the airport terminal.
The Evansville International Airport is actually pretty charming. It's like someone made a bet: "Hey, can we build a functioning airport and still be home in time for lunch at Turoni's?" You can park, get through security, and still have time to walk slowly back to your car because you forgot your CPAP machine.
For me, flying is a whole new level of absurdity. We're told to "sit back, relax, and enjoy your flight," which is a cruel joke when you're over 6 feet tall and your knees are in your chest the entire trip. It doesn't help that the stranger next to me is elbows-deep in a tuna sandwich. I don't mind tuna sandwiches, but not when my muscles are cramping and I'm worried about a fiery plane explosion.
Then there's the hotel. I don't care how fancy the place is; something will go wrong. The key card won't work. The toilet will make a noise all night that sounds like Casper the Ghost trying to beatbox. I'll call the front desk, and they'll send someone named Chad who refers to everything as "lit," including my leaking ceiling.
Honestly, by the third day of being gone, I'm missing Evansville. I miss driving on the Lloyd while pretending that stoplights are just polite suggestions. I miss the way the humidity gives what's left of my hair that "cotton candy meets existential crisis" look. I miss people who know what a brain sandwich is, and more importantly, don't judge me for eating one.
So yeah, travel is fun... in theory. But the next time someone says, "Let's go somewhere new!" I might just take a different route to Schnucks and call it an adventure.
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Danny Browning is a nationally touring stand-up comedian, clean corporate entertainer, and monthly humor columnist for News4U Evansville. Based in Southern Indiana, he has performed at comedy clubs, corporate galas, and nonprofit fundraisers across Indianapolis, Louisville, Evansville, Cincinnati, and beyond, including the Improv, the Funny Bone, and stages alongside Norm MacDonald, Jim Norton, and Jennifer Coolidge. Comedy & Curiosities is his attempt to be funny without a microphone. It's going okay.
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Danny Browning | Comedian, Humorist & Monthly Troublemaker for News4U Evansville