New Year's Resolutions, Low-Carb Beer, and the Best One I Ever Made
Danny Browning
January 2025 - NEWS4U Evansville
January 2025 - NEWS4U Evansville
Happy New Year! When you read this, I will have already broken all of my New Year's resolutions.
Resolutions are easy to make but much harder to keep, like sandcastles or friends with benefits. Last year, I swore I'd work out five days a week and get in the best shape of my life! By January 4th, I was parked outside a Planet Fitness bicep curling some Burger King.
I've always loved the idea of starting a new year. There's truly no better time for a fresh slate, unless, of course, someone has just been released from prison. In that case, I'd say that's probably a better time. My aim is to start this year with a positive outlook, especially since my 2024 didn't exactly end on a high note.
Just before the holidays, my Mother passed away. I'll spare you the diverting details, but suffice to say it was profoundly sad. On Thanksgiving Day, I found myself at someone's house, enveloped in a fog of depression thicker than the turkey gravy. The people I was lucky enough to be surrounded by were the most loving and supportive a guy could ask for, but I was still plagued by fleeting moments of massive anxiety. I don't remember much about the day except for eating an excessive amount of mac and cheese and washing it down with equally excessive amounts of low-carb beer. Normally, low-carb adult beverages aren't my first choice, but I had to save room for more mac and cheese. It was a vicious cycle, and I had regrets.
One thing I was thankful for that day was the satisfying sounds of laughter and happiness that filled the house. Mom would have loved that too.
Mom came into this world in August of 1947, with a full head of red hair and a quirky personality to match. She adored her grandchildren, caramel lattes, and shopping on QVC. Even after her death, packages kept arriving at her house. Everyone should pass away doing what they love, and, for Mom, that included spending her retirement on impressive collections of costume jewelry and compression socks.
In her lifetime, Mom lived through the cultural shifts of the 1960s, the transformative years of the 1980s, and the digital revolution of the 2000s. If only she could have stayed around a little longer to witness the magnificent spectacle that was the Mike Tyson vs. Jake Paul fight.
Grieving a parent's death is interesting. It's a mix of sadness, unexpected laughter, and a million little memories that sneak up on you when you least expect them. If I've learned anything since Mom passed, it's that her best qualities, the love she shared, her ability to laugh at herself even in the toughest moments, and her incredible strength in the face of adversity, are the traits I want to carry forward in my life.
So this year, my resolution isn't about dieting or gym memberships; it's about being more like Mom. Here's to caramel lattes, unstoppable resilience, and living a life that would make her proud.
Resolutions are easy to make but much harder to keep, like sandcastles or friends with benefits. Last year, I swore I'd work out five days a week and get in the best shape of my life! By January 4th, I was parked outside a Planet Fitness bicep curling some Burger King.
I've always loved the idea of starting a new year. There's truly no better time for a fresh slate, unless, of course, someone has just been released from prison. In that case, I'd say that's probably a better time. My aim is to start this year with a positive outlook, especially since my 2024 didn't exactly end on a high note.
Just before the holidays, my Mother passed away. I'll spare you the diverting details, but suffice to say it was profoundly sad. On Thanksgiving Day, I found myself at someone's house, enveloped in a fog of depression thicker than the turkey gravy. The people I was lucky enough to be surrounded by were the most loving and supportive a guy could ask for, but I was still plagued by fleeting moments of massive anxiety. I don't remember much about the day except for eating an excessive amount of mac and cheese and washing it down with equally excessive amounts of low-carb beer. Normally, low-carb adult beverages aren't my first choice, but I had to save room for more mac and cheese. It was a vicious cycle, and I had regrets.
One thing I was thankful for that day was the satisfying sounds of laughter and happiness that filled the house. Mom would have loved that too.
Mom came into this world in August of 1947, with a full head of red hair and a quirky personality to match. She adored her grandchildren, caramel lattes, and shopping on QVC. Even after her death, packages kept arriving at her house. Everyone should pass away doing what they love, and, for Mom, that included spending her retirement on impressive collections of costume jewelry and compression socks.
In her lifetime, Mom lived through the cultural shifts of the 1960s, the transformative years of the 1980s, and the digital revolution of the 2000s. If only she could have stayed around a little longer to witness the magnificent spectacle that was the Mike Tyson vs. Jake Paul fight.
Grieving a parent's death is interesting. It's a mix of sadness, unexpected laughter, and a million little memories that sneak up on you when you least expect them. If I've learned anything since Mom passed, it's that her best qualities, the love she shared, her ability to laugh at herself even in the toughest moments, and her incredible strength in the face of adversity, are the traits I want to carry forward in my life.
So this year, my resolution isn't about dieting or gym memberships; it's about being more like Mom. Here's to caramel lattes, unstoppable resilience, and living a life that would make her proud.
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Danny Browning is a nationally touring stand-up comedian, clean corporate entertainer, and monthly humor columnist for News4U Evansville. Based in Southern Indiana, he has performed at comedy clubs, corporate galas, and nonprofit fundraisers across Indianapolis, Louisville, Evansville, Cincinnati, and beyond, including the Improv, the Funny Bone, and stages alongside Norm MacDonald, Jim Norton, and Jennifer Coolidge. Comedy & Curiosities is his attempt to be funny without a microphone. It's going okay.
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Danny Browning | Comedian, Humorist & Monthly Troublemaker for News4U Evansville