Fair Season, Funnel Cake, and Foods That File Paperwork Against You
Danny Browning August 2025 - NEWS4U Evansville
Finally, it's that magical time in Indiana when your sweat starts smelling like funnel cake, and your pancreas quietly files for early retirement. Fair season is upon us! Whether it's the state fair, county fair, or just admiring Grandpa's sweet ride at the Frog Follies, it's time for Midwesterners to make bold choices and questionable life decisions most of them on a stick.
Because I have too much time on my hands, I've compiled a list of fair foods I've encountered over the years, much to my cardiologist's chagrin.
Donut Burger - The donut burger is the reason people in other countries hate us. We start with a half-pound beef patty flawlessly nestled between two glazed donuts. Some of the included toppings are a fried egg, bacon, and a huge amount of instant regret. After one bite, I could feel my blood pressure rising faster than the sketchy-looking Ferris wheel.
Donut Taco - For the brave souls who want a bit more "Hispanic" flavor to their fair food experience, I recommend a donut taco! It was the perfect mix of carnitas, queso, and jalapenos all wrapped up with a donut that was somehow genetically engineered to resemble a taco shell. My only recommendation is to have a lot of water and enough toilet paper to last for the rest of the weekend.
Deep-Fried Butter — If you've ever stared longingly at a stick of butter and thought, "I wish this could be hotter, crispier, and slightly more threatening," this one's for you. Deep-fried butter is the culinary equivalent of a dare from a drunk uncle. It's battered, fried, and served with powdered sugar, because if your arteries are going to tap out, they may as well do it like Paula Deen.
Chocolate-Covered Bacon — I've never been a fan of fixing something that's not broken; however, sometimes bacon just wants to be more than breakfast. It dreams of a second act, and in this encore, it's dipped in velvety chocolate and chilled until it becomes a contradiction you can eat. Salty, sweet, and perfect for confusing your taste buds into thinking you made a healthy choice, because it technically has protein.
Brain Sandwich — Last, but never least, the West Side legend that is the brain sandwich. Though it may not be your classic summertime snack, it absolutely earns its spot on this list by virtue of sheer Evansville lore. Crispy cow brain, delicately smashed between two buns, is a bite of Indiana heritage that locals wear as a badge of honor. When it comes to iconic fair foods, this one takes the deep-fried cake.
So here's to summer: to the laughter that erupts uninvited, the bites we take against better judgment, and the moments that taste like childhood, chaos, and powdered sugar. My advice: life is too short to eat bland food or take yourself too seriously. Pass the funnel cake and LAUGH like no one's counting calories.
Because I have too much time on my hands, I've compiled a list of fair foods I've encountered over the years, much to my cardiologist's chagrin.
Donut Burger - The donut burger is the reason people in other countries hate us. We start with a half-pound beef patty flawlessly nestled between two glazed donuts. Some of the included toppings are a fried egg, bacon, and a huge amount of instant regret. After one bite, I could feel my blood pressure rising faster than the sketchy-looking Ferris wheel.
Donut Taco - For the brave souls who want a bit more "Hispanic" flavor to their fair food experience, I recommend a donut taco! It was the perfect mix of carnitas, queso, and jalapenos all wrapped up with a donut that was somehow genetically engineered to resemble a taco shell. My only recommendation is to have a lot of water and enough toilet paper to last for the rest of the weekend.
Deep-Fried Butter — If you've ever stared longingly at a stick of butter and thought, "I wish this could be hotter, crispier, and slightly more threatening," this one's for you. Deep-fried butter is the culinary equivalent of a dare from a drunk uncle. It's battered, fried, and served with powdered sugar, because if your arteries are going to tap out, they may as well do it like Paula Deen.
Chocolate-Covered Bacon — I've never been a fan of fixing something that's not broken; however, sometimes bacon just wants to be more than breakfast. It dreams of a second act, and in this encore, it's dipped in velvety chocolate and chilled until it becomes a contradiction you can eat. Salty, sweet, and perfect for confusing your taste buds into thinking you made a healthy choice, because it technically has protein.
Brain Sandwich — Last, but never least, the West Side legend that is the brain sandwich. Though it may not be your classic summertime snack, it absolutely earns its spot on this list by virtue of sheer Evansville lore. Crispy cow brain, delicately smashed between two buns, is a bite of Indiana heritage that locals wear as a badge of honor. When it comes to iconic fair foods, this one takes the deep-fried cake.
So here's to summer: to the laughter that erupts uninvited, the bites we take against better judgment, and the moments that taste like childhood, chaos, and powdered sugar. My advice: life is too short to eat bland food or take yourself too seriously. Pass the funnel cake and LAUGH like no one's counting calories.
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Danny Browning is a nationally touring stand-up comedian, clean corporate entertainer, and monthly humor columnist for News4U Evansville. Based in Southern Indiana, he has performed at comedy clubs, corporate galas, and nonprofit fundraisers across Indianapolis, Louisville, Evansville, Cincinnati, and beyond, including the Improv, the Funny Bone, and stages alongside Norm MacDonald, Jim Norton, and Jennifer Coolidge. Comedy & Curiosities is his attempt to be funny without a microphone. It's going okay.
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Danny Browning | Comedian, Humorist & Monthly Troublemaker for News4U Evansville